Small pieces of warmth

As part of mine and my husband's journey to get back to where we started, we've been advised to try date night a couple of times a month.
Last night was our first date night. Sober date night.
We went to dinner and then the movie theatre.
He wore my favorite shirt on him and has grown his beard out a little because he knows I like it like that.
While at dinner I found myself looking at the giant aquarium in the restaurant, letting my eyes blur and my mind wander. I knew that if he asked what I was thinking about, I could easily tell him I was just looking at the fish. I sat there and stared at that damn thing for what seemed like hours, and I think, looking back to yesterday, really attempting to not have any feelings. It's not like I was TRYING to be distant, but something inside of me keeps telling me to keep those guards on duty, to keep my mote full, my bridge drawn.
At the movie he told me to put my arm in his. I did. Then he looked at me. He looked at me and I thought for maybe a second he was looking at me like he used to. Like I was the thing he was in love with again, just for a second. Although I very well could have been imagining it. When he looked at me like that though... I felt a small warmth, just for a second, towards him. Maybe there is still something left? I don't know yet, because I can't feel anything very often right now, but what if that small amount of heat I felt last night means there are still a few embers left to work with? I am still trying to decide if it was heat, or pity... sadly. I do feel pity for him right now. He's a mess. He misses me. He's lonely. He's confused and scared. But those feelings he has only make me more angry because no one felt pity for me for the last two years while I felt all of those things (no one meaning, my husband.) He was too drunk to notice. How do I let that go? I have no tools, no knowledge of this terrain.
I know the only way I will be able to get back to where we want to be in our marriage, I'm going to have to make an conscious decision to let him back in. It's a terrifying thought.... It's a scary, raw, open wound.... I'm not ready to let my guard down yet and that is so hard to explain to him.
Maybe I'm indulging in my own pathetic sorrow? Is that what I am doing?
I was driving down the road today and a vision of me ten years from now was allowed to cross into my consciousness. I let myself go into the thought, dreamily, and I saw.... I saw him.
A long, complicated, drawn out romance. A friendship that has been put through the wringer. A broken heart. Regrets. Secrets. Passion. Understanding. Longing.
That's all I have for today. So far.